From:    Christeos Pir                          Area: Metaphysical
To:      All                                     2 Apr 94 03:02:30
Subject: What The... #5                         UpdReq 

                            WHAT THE. . . ?
                     The News You Can't Do Without.
        No. 5                                   04/94 e.v.
                         SPECIAL EASTER EDITION
THOU SHALT NOT STEAL DEPT.                 IN A CHURCH BULLETIN, TWO
A Louisiana judge has ordered              articles appeared side-by-
Jimmy Swaggart Ministries,                 side. The first announced
Inc., to pay more than $1.4                that the annual pageant
million owed to a company                  would be the climax of the
that supplied them with                    Lenten season. The second
Bibles and other religious                 announced, "The Bishop is
materials never paid for.                  Coming!"
SOME MORE CLIPPINGS FROM                   A LARGE POSTER DISPLAYED
various church and synagog                 outside London's St. Paul's
bulletins, signs, and sermons:             Church proclaimed, "Christ
                                           is Coming!" Right below it,
* "The Church is offering a                another sign read, "Please
series entitled 'The Church                do not obstruct these gates."
Explores the Issues.' To-
morrow's lecture will be                   LEST YOU THINK I'VE FORGOT-
'Recycling -- Our Garbage Is               ten the legal section, here's
A Resource.' There will be a               some more interesting stuff
potluck dinner."                           from the lawbooks:
* "Tonight's sermon: 'What Is              - It's illegal to set fire
Hell?' Come early and listen               to a mule in Maine.
to our choir practice."
                                           - Bicycles in Pueblo, Colo-
* "Miss Charlene Mason sang 'I             rado, must carry gongs.
Will Not Pass This Way Again,'
giving obvious pleasure to the             - In Kentucky, you may not
congregation."                             shoot clay pigeons during the
                                           mating season.
* "The peace-making meeting
scheduled for today has been               - Men in Alabama may legally
cancelled due to a conflict."              discipline their wives with
                                           a stick, as long as it's "no
* "During the service, Francis             larger than the thumb."
Bollinger aroused the audience.
                                           - In Idaho, you cannot fish
* "The priest married John and             for trout from the back of a
Susan in the Rectum of the                 giraffe.
Church."
                                           - And it's a crime to eat
* "On the day of his arrival, the          peanuts in church in Massa-
pontiff is expected to celibate            chusetts.
mass at Immaculate Conception
Cathedral."
* "Reverend Hawley was congratu-           THAT'S IT FOR THIS MONTH,
lated on being able to get his             FOLKS. EVEN THOUGH THE RE-
parish plastered."                         SPONSE HAS BEEN UNDER-
                                           WHELMING, HERE'S THE INFO
* "VINELAND COUPLE TO TAKE ON              ONCE AGAIN -- JUST IN CASE
MISSIONARY POSITION"                       SOMEONE GETS MOTIVATED: Send
                                           comments or submissions to:
* "BISHOP MCNULTEY DIES: 'HAD
CLEAR VISION OF WHAT THE CHURCH            Christeos Pir 1:109/235.0 or
WANTED HIM TO DO.'"                        christeos.pir@f235.n109.z1.fido-
                                           net.com
 ... nor unto the lesser adept, nor unto the greater adept.

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