From:    Christeos Pir                          Area: Metaphysical
To:      All                                     9 Feb 94 18:04:24
Subject: What the. . . ? #3                     UpdReq 

                            WHAT THE. . . ?
                     The News You Can't Do Without.
        No. 3                                   02/94 e.v.
YOUR LEGISLATORS AT WORK DEPT...        GUESS HOW MANY OF THE 20 LARGEST
In Topeka, Kansas, it's illegal         banks are American? Try none. 7
to worry a squirrel; in Arkansas        of the ten largest are Japanese,
every automobile must be preceded       the rest of the top ten are
by a man carrying a red flag; in        French and German.
Bristow, Oklahoma public eating
houses had to serve each customer
one peanut in the shell with            IF EVERYONE IN THE U.S. RODE A
every glass of water; and women         motorcycle instead of driving
in Iowa are not allowed to wear         their personal cars, the annual
corset -- there were once even          fuel consumption would be cut
corset inspectors, whose job it         in half, and pollutants emitted
was to poke women in the ribs to        each year would also drop to
see if they had them on.                about 55-60% of present levels.
FOUR NEW YORK FISHERMEN STRUGGLED       YOUR TAX DOLLARS AT WORK... A
to haul in a 3,500 lb catch off         foreign-owned auto plant in
the Long Island coast, only to          Indiana that had been awarded
find they'd pulled in a 19-foot-        more than $500,000 to help dis-
long topedo launched in the '40s        advantaged workers, instead used
that was still armed. Talk about        the money to send two Indiana
the one you wish HAD gotten away!       mayors on factory-hunting trips
                                        to Japan, and to teach English
                                        to Japanese supervisors.
A COUPLE OF YEARS AGO, MORE THAN
1000 riot police in S. Korea
battled protestors for nine hours       AS IF YOU DIDN'T KNOW ALREADY,
to gain control of... a morgue!         the poor pay more tax in the
                                        U.S. than the rich. According
                                        to Citizens for Tax Justice,
HUNTERS IN MICHIGAN HAVE A NEW          those in the lowest income
weapon: their vehicles. Under           brackets spend about 14% of
regulations introduced not long         their income on state and local
ago, they may now count roadkills       taxes, while the wealthiest pay
against their yearly bag limit.         less than 8%.
WHAT DID YOU DO IN THE WAR, MOM?        IN CASE YOU WERE WONDERING, IT'S
While Desert Shield and Desert          illegal for a donkey to sleep in
Storm were going on, 5% of the          a bathtub in New York City.
women on the U.S.S. Arcadia got
pregnant. War is hell.
                                        BUTTONS THE CLOWN PLEADED GUILTY
                                        to attempted felonious assualt
AN ESTIMATED 3000 FISH WERE             for trying to have his wife
killed when several thousand            killed in exchange for a micro-
gallons of Coors beer was acci-         wave oven. Not that a more
dentally poured into a Colorado         serious conviction might have
stream. Now if it had been              meant much -- a doctor convict-
Michigan, ol' Adolph could have         ed of manslaughter in his wife's
kept the fish!                          death received his sentence: a
                                        $1 fine. On the other hand, two
                                        members of the Royal Navy were
AN AUSTRALIAN MAN WHO BELEIVED          court-martialled and fined the
he was a werewolf ran beserk,           equivalent of $1,200 each after
chasing his brother and biting          being found guilty of "...being
him. When the town's two-man            naked together without reason-
police force arrived, he was            able excuse." Hell, I could
sitting and howling at the full         think of a few good ones!
moon. The cops got him calmed
down by "growling at him."
                                        AN OKLAHOMA MAN WAS SENTENCED TO
                                        ten years in jail for pinching
A NASHVILLE CAR DEALER OFFERED          two women on the rear. Mean-
$75,000 to the mayor to resign          while, I read recently that the
a few years back... Mayor Bill          average length of time served
BONER was unavailable for com-          for murder in Maryland is only
ment, being in Hawaii reported-         eight years. Kinda makes you
ly marrying singer-dancer Tracy         wonder...
PEEL, to whom he got engaged
while still married to his
third wife. No doubt we'll soon         OK, FOLKS, THAT'S IT FOR ANOTHER
have a film version of the story        month. As always, you can send
starring Oliver Clothesoff, Pat         clippings, bitches, or cash to me
McGroin, and Titus Canby.               via Netmail to 1:109/235.0 or
                                        31:3000/1.0
 ... The swan being silent, he answered:      

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