JOIN THE 1-800 CLUB AND SAVE THE WORLD. I'm sure you've watched the televangelists crash and burn these last few months. It's been fun, but wouldn't it be more fun if you could help? Well, you can. For a couple of years, people all over the country--people just like you-- have cost the Nazzes (Falwell types) hundreds of thousands of dollars by joining the 1-800 Club. The 1-800 Club has no dues, no membership list, and no regular meetings. If you have a telephone and five minutes a day, you can be a member. Here's how... First pick one of the toll free number listed here. Dial and let it ring until they answer. Hang up. That call cost them a dollar. That's a dollar they would have otherwise spent squelching free speech, persecuting liberals, free thinkers, Gays, Pagans, and others, lobbying your representative in Washington, running for President, destroying indigenous cultures, or other Nazztyness. Second degree Club members can engage the phone operators in conversation (every additional minute costs them 46 cents). You can ask them for free literature to "help you understand more about their ministry." Give them a non-existent address or the address of someone you find distasteful. It costs them about $12 a year to keep each address on their mailing list, with each mailing costing even more. Be careful, though. A few will want to convert you right there on the phone. Just tell them you'll read their pamphlet and call them back. They'll send it right off, costing them even more. You can also blow horns and whistles or use the pound button (you know, the # button on your telephone.) If you wish, you can call from public phone booths without depositing money to make the call. It's a great way to pass the time waiting for a plane, bus or subway train. The 1-800 Club really works. A man in Atlanta set his computer to dial Falwell every 30 seconds. In nine months, he cost them $250,000. Pat Robertson's 700 Club canceled their toll-free number for three months because of "all those calls from homosexuals and those people into Witchcraft," they said. Remember, these people are out to get you. They are not nice people going about their own business. It is their stated purpose to take over the world with their own brand of religion, suppressing your life and personal spiritu- ality as they do so. And don't forget, this article is supported by the 1st Amendment. You have the 1-800 Club's permission to copy it and distribute it to your heart's content. The freedom you save could be your own. 1-800-446-0700 The Seven Hundred Club, or how Pat Robertson ran for President. 1-800-345-8095 The Old Time Gospel Hour. This is Falwell's main number. 1-800-368-3336 Falwell's Pregnancy Hot Line, now called the Liberty Godparent Home. Helps pregnant girls and women. Yew betcha. 1-800-842-8679 Adopt-a-Teen, a half-way house for troubled and abused kids. They're required to appear on TV to plead "send this ministry money or they'll put me out on the street again." They cry a lot. Despicable. 1-800-331-3800 Ol' Jumpin' Jimmy Swaggart's Talk Line. What you've heard about Jimmy is only the tip of the iceberg. High placed sources says he "favors children," but that's just what we heard. 1-800-548-7000 This line raises money to "convert India in ten years." They go to villages, show "free" movies--the only cost is your soul-- and make outrageous promises to desperate people. 1-800-423-4444 Send subscriptions of "Plain Truth" to all your friends, or just leave a message on their answering machine. 1-800-HIS-LOVE Prophecy Countdown--these people are very off the wall and outspokenly anti-Pagan and anti-Gay. 1-800-527-2237 Robison Ministries is concerned about what demons can do. Show them what a little concerted effort can do. 1-800-LIFE-AID Preaching to the destitute. 1-800-872-6600 Bibles to Russia.