PREFACE

Nobody is better aware than myself that this account of my
Retirement labours under the most serious disadvantage.

The scene should have been laid in an inaccessible lamaserai in
Tibet, perched on stupendous crags; and my familiarity with
Central Asia would have enabled me to do it quite nicely.
 
One should really have had an attendant Sylph; and one's Guru, a
man of incredible age and ferocity, should have frequently
appeared at the dramatic moment.
 
A gigantic magician on a coal-black steed would have added to
the effect: strange voices, uttering formidable things, should
have issued from unfathomable caverns.  A mountain shaped like
a Svastika with a Pillar of Flame would have been rather taking;
herds of impossible yaks, ghost-dogs, gryphons...
 
But, my good friends, this is not the way things happen.  Paris
is as wonderful as Lhassa, and there are just as many miracles
in London as in Luang Prabang.
 
I did not even think it necessary to go into the Bois de Boulogne
and meet those Three Adepts who cause bleeding at the nose,
familiar to us from the writings of Mcgregor Mathers.
 
The Universe of Magic is in the mind of a man: the setting is
but Illusion even to the thinker.
 
Humanity is progressing; formerly men dwelt habitually in the
exterior world; nothing less than giants and Paynim and
men-at-arms and distressed ladies, vampires and succubi, could
amuse them.  Their magicians brought demons from the smoke of
blood, and made gold from baser metals.
 
In this they succeeded; the intelligent perceived that the gold
and the lead were but shadows of thought.  It became probable
that the elements were but isomers of one element; matter was
seen to be but a modification of mind, or (at least) that the
two things matter and mind must be joined before either could be
perceived.  All knowledge comes through the senses, on the one
hand; on the other, it is only through the senses that knowledge
comes.
 
We then continue our conquest of matter; and we are getting
pretty expert.  It took much longer to perfect the telescope
than the motor-car.  And though, of course, there are
limitations, we know enough to be able to predict them.
 
We know in what progression the Power to Speed co-efficient of a
steamboat rises--and so on.
 
But in our conquest of Nature, which we are making principally by the
use of the rational intelligence of the mind, we have become aware of
that world itself, so much so that educated men spend nine-tenths of
their waking lives in that world, only  decending to feed and dress
and so on at the imperative summons  of their physical constitution.
 
Now to us who thus live the world of mind seems almost as savage
and unexplored as the world of Nature seemed to the Greeks.
 
There are countless worlds of wonder unpath'd and
uncomprehended--and even unguessed, we doubt it.
 
Therefore we set out diligently to explore and map these

            untrodden regions of the mind.

Surely our adventures may be as exciting as those of Cortes or
Cook!
 
It is for this reason that I invite with confidence the
attention of humanity to this record of my journey.
 
But another set of people will find another disappointment.  I
am hardly an heroic figure.  I am not The Good Young Man That
Died.  I do not remain in holy mediation, balanced on my left
eyelash, for forty years, restoring exhausted nature by a single
grain of rice at intervals of several months.
 
You will perceive in these pages a man with all his
imperfections thick upon him trying blindly, yet with all his
force, to control the thoughts of his mind, so that he shall be
able to say, "I will think this thought and not that thought" at
any moment, as easily as (having conquered Nature) we are all
able to say, "I will drink this wine, and not that wine."
 
For, as we have now learnt, our happiness does not at all depend
upon our possessions or our power.  We would all rather be dead
than be a millionaire who lives in daily dread of murder or
blackmail.
 
Our happiness depends upon our state of mind.  It is the mastery
of these things that the Magicians of to-day have set out to
obtain for humanity; they will not turn back, nor turn aside.
 
It is with the object of giving the reins into the hands of
others that I have written this record, not without pain.
 
Others, reading it, will see the sort of way one sets to work;
they will imitate and improve upon it; they will attain to the
Magistry; they will prepare the Red Tinture and the Elixir of
Life--for they will discover what Life means.


PROLOGUE



It hath appeared unto me fitting to make a careful and even an
elaborate record of this Great Magical Retirement, for that in
the first place I am now certain of obtaining some Result
therefrom, as I was never previously certain.

Previous records of mine have therefore seemed vague and
obscure, even unto the wisest of the scribes; and I am myself
afraid that even here all my skill of speech and study may avail
me little, so that the most important part of the record will be
blank.

Now I cannot tell whether it is a part of my personal Kamma, or
whether the Influences of the Equinox of Autumn should be the
exciting cause; but it has usually been at this part of the year
that my best Results have occurred.  It may be that the physical
health induced by the summer in me, who dislike damp and chill,
may bring forth as it were a flower the particular kind of
Energy--Sammavayamo--which gives alike the desire to
perform more definitely and exclusively the Great Work, and the
capacity to achieve success.

It is in any case remarkable that I was born in October (18--);
suffered the terrible mystic trance which turned me toward the
Path in October (18--); applied for admission to G...
D... in October (18--); opened my temple at B______e in
October (18--); received the mysteries of L.I.L. in October
(19--), and obtained the grade of 6o = 5o; obtained the
first true mystic results in October (19--); first landed in
Egypt in October (19--); landed again in Egypt in October
(19--); first parted from . . . in October (19--); wrote the
B.-i-M. in October (19--), and obtained the grade of
7o = 4o; received the great Initiation in October 19--;
and, continuing, received . . . . . . . . in October 19--.
 
So then in my last days of September 19-- do I begin to collect
and direct my thoughts; gently, subtly, persistently turning them
one and all to the question of retreat and communion with that
which I have agreed to call the Holy Guardian Angel, whose
Knowledge and Conversation I have willed, and in greater or less
measure enjoyed, since Ten Years.
 
Terrible have been the ordeals of the Path; I have lost all that
I possessed, and all that I loved, even as at the Beginning I
offered All for Nothing, unwitting as I was of the meaning of
those words. I have suffered many and grievous things at the
hands of the elements, and of the planets; hunger, thirst,
fatigue, disease, anxiety, bereavement, all these woes and
others have laid heavy hand upon me, and behold! as I look back
upon these years, I declare that all hath been very well.  For
so great is the Reward which I (unworthy) have attained that the
Ordeals seem but incidents hardly worthy to mention, save in so
far as they are the Levers by which I moved the World.  Even
those dreadful periods of "dryness" and of despair seem but the
necessary lying fallow of the earth.  All those "false paths" of
Magic and of Meditation and of Reason were not false paths, but
steps upon the true Path; even as a tree must shoot downwards
its roots into the Earth in order that it may flower, and bring
forth fruit in its season.
 
So also now I know that even in my months of absorption in
worldly pleasure and business, I am not really there, but stand
behind, preparing the Event.
 
Imagine me, therefore, if you will, in Paris on the last day of
September.  How surprised was I--though, had I the thought, I should
have remembered that it was so -- to find all my necessary magical
apparatus to my hand!  Months before, for quite other reasons, I had
moved most of my portable property to Paris; now I go to Paris, not
thinking of a Retirement, for I now know enough to trust my destiny
to bring all things to pass without anxious forethought on my
part--and suddenly, therefore, here do I find myself--and nothing is
lacking.
 
I determined therefore to begin steadily and quietly, allowing
the Magical Will to come slowly forth, daily stronger, in
contrast to my old plan, desperation kindling a store of fuel
dried by long neglect, despair inflaming a mad energy that would
blaze with violence for a few hours and then go out--and nothing
done.  "Not hurling, according to the oracle, a transcendent
foot towards Piety."
 
Quite slowly and simply therefore did I wash myself and robe
myself as laid down in the Goetia, taking the Violet Robe of an
Exempt Adept (being a single Garment), wearing the Ring of an
Exempt Adept, and that Secret Ring which had been entrusted to
my keeping by the Masters.  Also I took the Almond Wand of
Abramelin and the Secret Tibetan Bell, made from Electrum
Magicum with its striker of human bone.  I took also the magical
knife, and the holy Anointing Oil of Abramelin the Mage.
 
I began then quite casually by performing the Lesser Banishing
Ritual of the Pentagram, finding to my great joy and some
surprise that the Pentagrams instantly formulated themselves,
visible to the material eye as it were bars of shining
blackness deeper than the night.
 
I then consecrated myself to the Operation; cutting the Tonsure
upon my head, a circle, as it were to admit the light of
infinity: and cutting the cross of blood upon my breast, thus
symbolising the equilibration of and the slaying of the body,
while loosing the blood, the first projection in matter of the
universal Fluid.
 
The whole formulating the Ankh--the Key of Life!
 
I gave moreover the signs of the grades from 0o = 0o to
7o = 4o.
 
Then did I take upon myself the Great Obligation as follows:

     I.  I, O.M. &c., a member of the Body of God, hereby bind myself on
the behalf of the whole Universe, even as we are now physically
bound unto the cross of suffering:

    II.  that I will lead a pure life, as a devoted servant of the
Order:

    III.  that I will understand all things:

    IV.  that I will love all things:

    V.  that I will perform all things and endure all things:
    
    VI.  that I will continue in the Knowledge and Conversation of My
Holy Guardian Angel:

    VII.  that I will work without attachment:

    VIII.  that I will work in truth:

    IX.  that I will rely only upon myself:

    X.  that I will interpret every phenomenon as a particular dealing
of God with my soul.
 
And if I fail herein, may my pyramid be profaned, and the Eye be
closed upon me!
 
All this did I swear and seal with a stroke upon the Bell.
 
Then I steadily sat down in my Asana (or sacred Posture), having
my left heel beneath my body pressing into my anus, my right
sole closely covering the phallus, the right leg vertical; my
head, neck, and spine in one straight vertical line; my arms
stretched out resting on their respective knees; my thumbs
joined each to the fourth finger of the proper hand.  All my
muscles were tightly held; my breath came steady, slow and even
through both nostrils; my eyes were turned back, in, up to the
Third Eye; my tongue was rolled back in my mouth; and my
thoughts, radiating from the Third Eye, I strove to shut in unto
an ever narrowing sphere by concentrating my will upon the
Knowledge and Conversation of the Holy Guardian Angel.
 
Then I struck Twelve times upon the Bell; with the new month the
Operation was duly begun.



®FC¯The First Day


Oct. 1

®FL¯
At Eight o'clock I rose from sleep and putting on my Robe, began
a little to meditate. For several reasons--the journey and
business of the day before, etc. etc., I did not feel fresh. 
But forcing myself a little I rose and went out to the Cafe du
Dome where I took coffee and a brioche, after buying an exercise
book in which to write this record.
 
This was about 8:45; and now (10:00) I have written thus far.
[Including the Prologue, but not the Preface.--Ed.]

10:45  I have driven over to the Hammam through the beautiful
sunshine, meditating upon the discipline of the Operation.

It seems only necessary to cut off definitely dispersive things,
aimless chatter and such; for the Operation itself will guide
me, leading to disgust for too much food and so on.  If there be
upon my limbs any chain that requires a definite effort to break
it, perhaps sleep is that chain.  But we shall see--silvitur
ambulando.  If any asceticism be desirable later on, true
wariness will soon detect any danger, and devise a means to meet
it and overcome it.

12:00  Have finished bath and massage, during which I continued
steadily but quite gently, "not by a stain laborious and hurtful
but with stability void of movement," willing the Presence of
Adonai.

12:05  I ordered a dozen oysters and a beefsteak, and now (12:10) find
myself wishing for a apple chewed and swallowed by deglutition,
as the Hatha Yogis do.  The distaste for food has already begun.

12:12  Impressions already failing to connect.

I was getting into Asana and thinking "I will record this fact,"
when I saw a jockey being weighed.
I thought of recording my own weight which I had not taken.
Good!

12:13  Pranayama [10 seconds to breathe in, 20 seconds to breathe out,
30 seconds to hold in the breath.]  Fairly good; made me sweat
again thoroughly.  Stopped not from fatigue but for lunch.

[Odd memoranda during lunch.

Insist on pupils writing down their whole day; the play as well
as the work "By this means they will become ashamed, and prate
no longer of 'beasts.'"]

I am now well away on the ascetic current, devising all sorts of
privations and thoroughly enjoying the idea.

12:55  Having finished a most enjoyable lunch, will drink coffee and
smoke, and try and get a little sleep.  Thus to break up sleep
into two shifts.

2:18  A nice sleep.  Woke refreshed.

3:15  Am arrived home, having performed a little business and driven
back.

Will sit down and do Asana, etc.

3:20  Have started.

3:28  7 Pranayama cycles enough.  Doubtless the big lunch is a
nuisance.

I continue meditating simply.

3:36  Asana hurts badly, and I can no longer concentrate at all.  Must
take 5 minutes' rest and then persevere.

3:41  Began again.  I shall take "Hua allalu alazi lailaha illa hua"
for mantra [any sacred sentence, whose constant repetition
produces many strange effects upon the mind.--Ed.]  if I want
one, or: may Adonai reveal unto me a special mantra to invoke
Him!

3:51  Broke down again, mantra and all.

3:52  Went on meditating in "Hanged Man posture" [Legs crossed, arms
below head, like the figure of the Hanged Man in the Tarot
Cards.--Ed.] to formulate sacrifice and pain self-inflicted; for
I feel such a worm, able only to remain a few minutes at a time
in a position long since "conquered."  For this reason too I cut
again the Cross of Blood; and now a third time will I do it. 
And I will take out the Magical Knife and sharpen it yet more,
so that this body may fear me; for that I am Horus the
terrible, the Avenger, the Lord of the Gate of the West.

4:15  Read Ritual DCLXXI [The nature of this Ritual is 

4:30  explained later--Ed.]

5:10  I have returned from my shopping. Strange how solemn and
dignified so trivial a thing becomes, once one has begun to
concentrate!

I bought two pears, half a pound of Garibaldi biscuits, and a
packet of Gaufrettes.  I had a citron presse', too, at the Dome.

At the risk of violating the precepts of Zoroaster 170 and 144 I
propose to do a Tarot divination for this Operation.
 
I should explain first that I write this record for other eyes
then mine, since I am now sufficiently sure of myself to attain
something or other; but I cannot foretell exactly what form the
attainment may take.  Just so, if one goes to call upon a
friend, he may be walking or riding or sleeping.

Thus, then, is Adonai hidden from me.  I know where He lives; I
know I shall be welcome if I call; but I do not know whether He
will invite me to a banquet or ask me to go out with Him for a
long journey.

It may be that the Rota will give me some hint.

[We have omitted the details of this divination.--Ed.]
 
I  am never content with such divinations; trustworthy enough in
material concerns, in things of the Spirit one rarely obtains
good results.
 
The first operation was rather meaningless; but one must allow
(a) that it was a new way of dealing those cards for the opening
of an operation; (b) that I had had two false starts.
 
The final operation is certainly most favourable; we shall see
if it comes true.  I can hardly believe it possible.

6:10  Will now go for a stroll, get some milk, and settle down for the
evening.

10:50  I regret to have to announce that on going across
to the Dome with this laudable intention, Nina brought up that
red-headed bundle of mischief, Maryt Waska.  This being in a way
of "bandobast" (and so inviolable), I took her to dinner, eating
an omelette, and some bread and Camembert, and a little milk. 
Afterwards a cup of coffee, and then two hours of the Vajroli
Mudra badly performed.
 
All this I did with reluctance, as an act of self-denial or
asceticism, lest my desire to concentrate on the mystic path
should run away with me.
 
Therefore I think it may fairly be counted unto me for
righteousness.
 
I now drink a final coffee and retire, to do I hope a more
straightforward type of meditation.
 
So mote it be.
 
Naked, Maryt looks like Corregio's Antiope.  Her eyes are a
strange grey, and her hair a very wonderful reddish gold--a
colour I have never seen before and cannot properly describe.  
She has Jewish blood in her, I fancy; this, and her method of
illustrating the axiom "Post coitum animal triste" made me think
of Baudelaire's "Une nuit que j'etais pres d'une affreuse
Juive": and the last line

Obscurcir la splendeur des tes froides prunelles.

and Barbey d'Aurevilly's "Rideau Cramoisi" suggested to me the
following poem.  [We omit this poem.--Ed.]

11:30  Done! i' th' rough! i' th' rough!  Now let me go back to my
room, and Work!

(11:47)  Home--undressed--robed--attended to toilet--cut cross of Blood
once more to affirm mastery of Body--sat down at 11:49 and ended
the day with 10 Pranayamas, which caused me to perspire freely,
but were not althogether easy or satisfactory.