CHAPTER MX




OF THINGS HUMAN AND DIVINE; BEING OTHER EPIGRAMS LABORIOUSLY AND PERTINENTLY CONSTRUCTED BY SIR ROGER BLOXAM, IN THE VERY PRIMROSE AND WOOD ANEMONE OF HIS YOUTH.





   To a pretty woman I prefer an ugly one, the uglier the better; for it is better to have a relief than a shock when I turn to the business end.


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   I hate Heine; for it is impossible to deny that he was a poet and impossible to deny that he was a Jew.


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   American women are anxious to safeguard the purity of their girls, because if they make it difficult for men to get them, the will be able to hire them for less money.


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   Woman is necessary to a man as a sewerage system is to a city. Cities on mountains need less attention in this respect; live therefore in the City of God upon the Mountain Abiegnus!


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   ``It's love that makes the world go round.'' And round!  -- and round! -- and round!!!


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   The University of Oxford was founded by the son of a butcher. (The bitterest remark that ever left those amiable lips.)


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   (In America) I love American women ( -- it makes me think I am crossing the Atlantic Ocean.)


   (Meaning: all A. W.'s have immense vesicae and I loathe to be in America.)


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   A woman's love. A play in 3 acts. For Mathematicians.


;tab2ll

   Act I 23
   Act II 69
   Act III 606

;endtab

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   I like Lionel Parrish because he arouses in me precisely the sense of satisfaction which I have in regarding an exceptionally healthy motion.


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   Even when things are at the worst, one can always thank God that They haven't got claws.


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   Lord Kitchener died like a gallant gentleman. A classic example of protective mimicry.


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   Woman are like toilet paper. Use them for your comfort and convenience, then put them where they belong.ql

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Woman.







You dangle a carrot in front of her nose

And she goes wherever the carrot goes.








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   Cardinal Mentula once told me: The End justifies the means. Morals, conventions, etc. are but the codifications of those means which experience has shown to lead most directly to the end. Exceptions occur, so that every act is a matter for individual judgment. Up, guards, and at 'em!


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   A philosopher reminds me of a guinea-pig chasing its own tail.


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   Half the joy of acquiring a new mistress is relief at getting rid of the old one.


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   Humanity did well indeed to honour Charles Darwin; he did his utmost to provide it with decent connexions.


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   Cardinal Mentula once began a play.


;tab2ll

He. ``We've had our quarrel; but, on the whole, you've done what I wanted you to, so -- ''

;endtab

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   You can make a joke that even an Englishman can understand, and only use two letters. Even an Englishman's imagination can supply the rest. -- One doesn't have even to use the two letters.


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   Married people are socially impossible; for you either make love to the woman, and lose his friendship; or you don't, and lose hers.


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